Writing - Clients to Date

Rob Rodell

The stage is set for the ultimate social gathering. You have invited five of your swankiest friends to lunch, two of whom are responsible for 80% of your business turnover. You’ve dusted off the bone-handle cutlery, and laid the table with your finest china.

You emerge victorious from the kitchen carrying the pièce de résistance, your signature watercress and egg salad. You’re about to drizzle your famous organic honey mustard dressing on top when suddenly, with terror and surprise, like Stukas from World War 2, German cockroaches punch their way through the leaves, waving at everyone with their feelers. Your friends let out a collective cacophony of shrieks as they scatter from the table, while you hyperventilate into your crystal wineglass.

You’ve just committed a mortal social sin, a gaffe, the definitive faux pas. You have some serious egg on your face. You wouldn’t normally mind since it makes such a great face mask, but you’re terrified the roaches have also crawled across the egg…

Of course, none of this would have happened if you’d just placed one simple phone call to deadly Hedley from Bafuté.

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